It’s only Monday and I already feel like I’m losing it. I worked Saturday to make up time, had a horrific migraine yesterday and went to Costco anyway because I had no food in the house, so I was a sweaty mess by the time I got the stuff back home, was a stress case today at work – one guy I’m with a project on wrote to ask when I would get such and such done, and I said I hadn’t looked at it yet, I was working on X because I was told X was top priority.
So he asks are there many changes for Project Y? I don’t know, I am working on project X. Well, how long will it take me? A LOT LESS TIME if you stop emailing me and let me work, how about that?
So I watched one episode of my current TV series while I ate, did a load of dishes and a load of laundry and now I have to fall asleep right now… if I want 8 hours of sleep. I hate feeling all raggedy-edged about shit, like I’m fragile and bitchy at the same time. I’ve been taking some pot truffle every night – I seem to be building up a tolerance so I can enjoy a tiny bit without getting antsy and anxious, but I suspect that Ativan is going to be this week’s primary sponsor!
I talked to Beth, briefly, for the first time in a couple of weeks. I told her how I had broken down in front of my boss before my week off, and he had asked me to establish a safety contract. She said Oh! A ha ha ha ha!
What the fuck is funny about that? I feel like she doesn’t take depression seriously, she doesn’t take me seriously, and much as I get lonely or appreciate having long-standing relationships, it’s just not worth talking to her anymore.
My parents just called and suggested I could meet them in a nearby city this weekend because they’re going to a dance or something and are going to drive their motorhome up.
So I said if they wanted a campsite for this Saturday night, they had better get on that yesterday, because it’s prime camping season. My dad was like “On yeah, I’ll look into it tomorrow” and I didn’t get why you wouldn’t make a reservation right away if you know that’s what your plans are. Either he doesn’t want to pay for a campsite, or he doesn’t grasp the idea of reserving online and wants to try to call a person, which is fine, but I said I didn’t really want to spend the night in a Walmart parking lot with no power or water, I’d rather drive back home. Seeing as it’s prime camping season and all. So that’s frustrating because I’m trying to help them out and they’re being obtuse! When my mom got on the phone I said I was just trying to explain the reservations and what not and she got this TONE of voice and was like “Is something wrooooong?” Like I would tell you if there was something wrong. You would be literally the last person on the planet, bitch!
I feel like it would be a jerk move to turn them down because they obviously want to see me, even though to be honest I don’t want to see them! I felt annoyed and thought “What for?? You were just here!” Don’t they remember how much fun we didn’t have? Can’t I just see them at Christmas and leave it at that? I mean, I would never pick them as friends if they weren’t my parents and they have opposite values of me so we just don’t have a lot in common and it sucks to feel pressured. Fuck!!