Kicking yourself in hindsight

Apparently the writer whose work was rejected, after blocking me from her own blog, has sent all her fans here to read all about what a big bully I am (by being pissy and snippy in writing about my interaction with her for my own purposes on my own blog.) Let’s just remember that her fan called me an “arrogant prick” if we’re going to talk bout bullying…

It’s not like I haven’t given this any thought.  My tone degraded, and I apologized for it in a comment on her blog before she blocked me. I AM sorry that she was hurt, especially if as I suspect (and none of her fans have disputed) that she is young and inexperienced.

Here’s the thing though: I am more frustrated with myself than I am with her, or anyone else involved in this, and this is why: I thought even as I started the first, gentle, maybe-you-might-consider email that I was going to be wasting my time. I just don’t think she or her fans are in a space where they can hear “your writing isn’t good” no matter how professionally or kindly it is stated.

So what was my fuckup? I kept going. And I kept going because I thought if I was somehow able to get across to her with my writing that her writing needs work in these structural elements, then she could work on it, get published easily in the future, and it would be a win-win for her and her fans.

That was arrogant and deluded on my part. Her inability to take criticism isn’t based on what I was saying or on what the journal editor said, or on how we said it. She, and her fans, are defensively invested in her identity as a “good writer.” So I’ve hurt her, pissed off her league of fans, and got nowhere in convincing her that the journal editor had a point. And now, I have to let this go.

Edit: proof that her fans are too invested to see the facts: she has self-published books (where you pay a printer the full printing costs so anyone can “self-print” anything.) Nope, that doesn’t have the same street cred as a real publication, to anyone but fans of authors who only have self-published work! Ha!


7 thoughts on “Kicking yourself in hindsight

  1. Oh advice giving. Such a path to heartache. It took me for-fucking-ever to realize that people do not enjoy getting advice the way that I do. When someone tells me ” hey girl, I saw a post that your basement flooded, so you should totally get some gutter extenders” I’m like YES THANK YOU! but this openness to advice apparently is unheard of. Ironically, it’s why I started my blog. I can’t tell anyone in real life to try dry shampoo or save for retirement, so I blog about it. I’m sorry you are being harrassed, that stinks. Hang in there, it will pass.

    • Wow, wow, hang on! Your Amazon link lists her as published by That’s even worse than I thought! She’s SELF-published. ANYONE can publish with lulu. Their website literally says “Lulu: Online Self Publishing Book & eBook Company.” You know that’s not the same as submitting work to a publisher like Random House that actually selects work to print, right?

      • Oh, I know the difference between a publisher selecting your work to publish, and self-publishing – I have writer friends in both categories. My point was that Candice is not “young and inexperienced”, she has written and published books – even if they are the self-publishing kinds which you seem to think are inferior to the others, which I don’t. It takes a lot of work and determination to be a writer and get your work published, wether you go the same publishing route or the more conventional one.

  2. I’m not really impressed that she’s published by someone who charges a READING FEE, but good for her (cough cough *vanity press* cough cough)
    Q: I’ve noticed that some publications now charge reading fees, and I’ve heard a lot of writers say this isn’t ethical. When, if at all, is it okay to pay a reading fee? — M.K., Los Angeles
    A: The short answer is: Almost never. The vast majority of reputable literary magazines do not (and should not) charge reading fees.

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