Ghosted.

I read this today:
https://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/why-dont-they-write-songs-about-this?utm_term=.amr2eN2Z8#.osw09A0Ke

And it made me wish that people I’ve known had that decency. One gal who I’ve known for over a decade became married and successful… we were hanging out less often, and I was clear about how I was unemployed and depressed and everything else, but made a real effort to try and be perky and take an interest in her life and ask about things she mentioned previously when we got together. At one point I straight up said that I appreciated her getting together with me, because I’ve been really isolated. She said that she wasn’t really sure whether to reach out or not when she know I’ve been depressed, and I said that I would always appreciate the effort.

We went for coffee last spring and she said that she’d like to get together again (i.e. Have time to get together again) around the end of the summer, so would get in touch with me in August. August came and went. This April came and went. I sent her an email a couple of weeks ago with a workshop notice I had received from a mailing list, and a quick note saying that I thought she might be interested in this, and hoped she was doing well.

Nothing. Nada. Now it’s been three weeks, I think, and then she didn’t even reply saying thanks for sending this my way, I’m super busy but nice to hear from you, or anything. So I pretty obviously have to chop her off the friends list. Or the acquaintances list, which is probably more accurate.

I’m trying to feel OK with it. I realize that it’s more a thing of familiarity than us having been super close. I have re-connected with a friend from University, who I haven’t seen in a decade, and we’ve had several two or three our phone date or the time just flies and there’s no problem finding things to talk about and I laugh so hard I think I’m going to pee myself. Time with the ghosting acquaintance didn’t feel like that, so it should be easier to let it go, but I still feel vaguely hurt about it.

Then there’s my friend who would rather do drugs than being my friend. I’ve known her for literally over 20 years. And yes, I used to get high all the time when I was in my early 20s. And heck, lately I’ve been getting high more and it seems to be good for my mental health. So it’s not like I have any judgement against that. It’s just that sometime ago, I had messaged her to see if she wanted to get together, when I was visiting the town she lives in and staying with my parents. I asked her if she wanted to go out for coffee, because even if I didn’t partake I didn’t want to get hot boxed and have to go back to my parents house with my clothes reeking of pot smoke. She pretty much straight up said no, that she wanted to go home and get high and that I was welcome to come over, but she wasn’t going to go out somewhere that didn’t involve sitting home and getting high to see me.

So, okayyy I guess… then she moved, to a city that I could potentially have a connecting flight in for the Depeche Mode concert. So I messaged her again, and said that I was going to have a layover in her town in a couple of months. She replied saying “is that so?” And nothing else. No chitchat about how hey maybe we could cross paths no, no talk about how that’s great but the airport is really far from her, nothing. So yeah.

It kind of all comes down to, am I loveable? If I am, why the hell can’t I find a boyfriend, or why don’t my parents love me? Or why can’t I make new loyal friends? Why are the only friends I have ones that I made 15 years ago? And why do “friends” do this ghosting shit instead of being genuine?

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