Another summer like this…

Today was fucking awful. I was tired from the get-go, and I was supposed to have an intake phone call for this counselling centre in town, but the meetings before ran over by half an hour so I just got a voicemail from them, and I’m going to have to rebook. I was supposed to go see the chaplain at the hospital today, but had to call him to cancel because my boss wanted to wrap a project up by the end of the day. So all of that is OK, but then by noon I realized I was starting to have a migraine. I logged onto the migraine app, and sure enough there were 10,000 people registering a current migraine in my city, so I knew there was something up with the weather because it seems pretty consistent; when there’s no weather happening there just seem to be 1000 or 2000 people having one at the same time, but then when the barometric pressure drops or a thunderstorm is going to happen it goes up to 10,000 or 20,000. So it’s like a confirmation that whatever sort of or I’m experiencing is actually a migraine and I should medicate the heck up right away.

 So I took a triptan. And an Advil. And a Tramadol. And a naproxen. And went to Starbucks. And drink some water. And sorely wished that I had some muscle relaxants at work. So I was feeling clammy and sweaty and confused and having to work on this project that everybody was practically dancing with impatience about. It just sucks because there’s no real way to make yourself feel better when you feel like that. I can go splash water on my face, or take some drugs, or use an aromatherapy roll-on, or whatever, but I’m still going to feel like a clammy sweaty mess.

So I did manage to finish, but I had to cancel an actual social plan that I had for tonight. I was going to go out for sushi and then do some crafts with a friend and I had to email her and explain that I just couldn’t. She understands and we’re going to reschedule for next week, but it just feels like now and last summer, when my mood is decent and I actually feel like working out, and being social, and doing things, I don’t have the capacity to because I’m getting freaking migraines all the time.

Last August I had 15. That’s the cut off for chronic migraine versus episodic migraine. And it basically means that I’m just dragging myself home from work, doing the bare minimum of emptying the litter box or whatever, and going to bed. If I get a migraine during a workday like today, I’m not gonna do anything after work. If I get a migraine on the weekend, I’m pretty much going to spend the day in bed and then get up in the evening for two or three hours and then go back to sleep.

So really it takes up as much time as having a second part time job would. And when I think that I’m doing the equivalent of working 50 or 60 hours a week, I think I’m coping really remarkably well. If I was a workaholic or how to high-powered career, nobody would expect me to be Miss Domestic and have a bunch of hobbies and social time. But then what is the point of working so hard when the best case result is that I get to tread water and keep going?

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