I was going to quit the outpatient group, and had actually called and spoken to them yesterday about it. Then this morning came, and I couldn’t get out of bed. There didn’t seem any reason to get out of bed. Why not sleep till noon and then go in to work at 1 o’clock? I got all sad at the thought of just moving invisibly like that, invisibly going on the bus to my invisible work and then back to the house. So I went to today’s group, and told him that I’d like to try to go next week.
But I went to service Canada to give them a copy of my medical papers, and then I had to phone the EI line from there and wait on hold and then get a new guy and be put on hold again, and then it turned out that I needed to have the numbers for January and February for how much I worked and how much I made, which I didn’t have, because those were at work. So I went to drive home because I don’t have money to park at work. It’s like $14 a day and they don’t take debit. So went home, caught the train to work, got teary-eyed on the train and looked out the window and said sternly to myself “don’t fucking cry on the train! Get a hold of yourself!”
Then I got to work and figured out the fucking EI, which is really hard because their periods don’t correspond with my pay periods and I cried through the whole thing. I only got like an hour of work done and I feel like I’m at the point where I’ll never make the time up, so fuck it. And I don’t have as much coming to me for EI as I had hoped, which sucks because there would’ve been no problem being off work and getting benefits for three months if my dick ass boss had allowed it.
I’ll basically have to wait until the next check to see what a normal average pay period paycheck will look like but I think it’s going to be significantly less than what I was being paid before, so I don’t really know how that’s going to work out with planning to try to go to Depeche Mode.
I just feel tired and sad.