I went to the hospital for ketamine and told the nurse there (when I was all blasted) about Beth’s “vision from God” that I’ve done this to myself by choosing the dark path, whatever that is. The nurse looked kind of incredulous and encouraged me not to let that take hold in my thoughts.
Then I want to see the nurse facilitator in the outpatient department, and basically cried for an hour and a half. I went back to work for an hour, and then went to see my counsellor and cried hard at him for a solid hour. Then I went back to work, looked up the Depeche Mode tour dates, and realized that it’s over 200 days away. I’m struggling with the idea of getting through the next 17 days for their album release. I honestly can’t identify anything to live for, besides seeing them in concert, and I just can’t imagine going on feeling this badly.