The nurse, when she came by, commented that she thought I looked a little better, and that often friends and family notice it first. I don’t want to be medicated into thinking my life is okay! I don’t want to go back!
so, with shaky hands and damming my impulse to turn in the noose I made a few days ago out of fabric, I assessed what was available to me. The strap! Off my duffel! Could I connect the ends to each other to make a loop? Yes! But on the first try I put a twist in it by mistake.
Okay, second try! A nice loop! If I put this around the bed rail, is there enough room for my head? And just as I lifted it off my lap to test for size the lady in the fucking bed next to me came in.
I mean, can you believe it? She basically checks in three nights a week to get her ECT and then leaves at noon the next day. And she has to fucking come here at 6:45 at night?? So now she has turned the lights on and is settling right in. Bitch.