I’ve been listening to music at work all day just so I can concentrate. That’s usually not my jam but it’s really helping right now. I just listened to James Blunt performing “Goodbye My Lover” live, and it seems strangely relevant, like “my lover” is the world and I’m the one saying goodbye, although it clearly wasn’t written in that way.
I made Social Plans (my last before Christmas thank God) tonight too so I am just staying at work late, otherwise I would not go out once I got home. I just feel so meh, like apathetic, like I have no genuine smiles left. I figured out how many days I would have left if I lived another 50 years – over 18,000. Like fuck I can do that. I know my psychiatrist would say not to think of it like that, to take it one day at a time, but when one day seems like too much how are you to manage tens of thousands?