Plumbing the bowels of hell.

So my toilet plugged up this afternoon, after I’d had a big poop, and I plunged and plunged and nothing happened. So I gathered up the motivation over a couple of hours to go out in the freezing cold and get the “One Second Plumber” from the store.

So I put it into the toilet and pressed the thing to “poot!” a little burst of air and the next thing I knew the water was coming up the sides of the bowl… over the edges of the bowl! Flooding poo water onto the floor! “FUCK! FUCK SAKE!” I yelled, taking the top of the tank off and grabbing at all the little gadgets inside to try to make it stop. That was at 5:30, four hours ago.

My landlord told me how to shut the water off (I should have known that in advance) but wanted me to go to Wal-Mart and buy a snake, and I told him I had no idea how to use a snake, so he drove in from out of town with his wife emailing me about how this wasn’t their problem. He was an hour and a half away so while he was on his way I had to “bail out” some of the poo water into a bucket and panic-clean my Depressed Person House. At least I tend to do badly with clutter but well with cleanliness, so the bathroom and kitchen were clean.

As it turns out he had to snake it like 6 times and use more of the air plumber before it would flush normally. Then I had the pleasure of cleaning the entire thing – toilet, poo-water bucket, plunger, floor – which I approached like I was from the CDC and the poowater was Ebola. Thank God I have nitrile gloves and cleaner and paper towels from Costco.
Now I am exhausted and have this Issue of Whose Job It Is to figure out with the landlords, which sucks. Meanwhile my Last Appointment Ever with my psychologist is tomorrow morning. Already! I guess if nothing else, I will be an honest wreck when I see my psychiatrist, as my appointment with him is right after so I have to go basically straight there.

This whole evening sucked but to be honest I wish I had a movie of the ten seconds when the toilet flooded and I was jumping around swearing because I bet it looked funny as hell. Talk about adrenaline!


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