I downloaded the Migraine Buddy app this month. I go back and forth on using migraine trackers, because knowing how much time I am losing to migraine has two effects:
1. It is validating — makes me feel like I’m not crazy for being unproductive or feeling that time has slipped away from me… “I know I did dishes on Monday and the kitchen was clean then, and now it is Saturday and the house is a freaking disaster… Where did this week go?” *checks log* Called in sick with a migraine… Went to bed right after work with a migraine… “Ya, I see where the week went. I was having migraines.”
2. It depresses me. “I’ve lost that much time to migraines this month? Geez! How am I ever going to manage a relationship/hold down a new job/etc. at this rate?”
So let’s see. I started using the app on August 3. Here are the stats for the two weeks August 3 to August 17:
- # of migraines: 9
- # of migraine days: 12 (because sometimes a migraine lasts 2 or 3 days)
- Percent of days with migraine: 86%
The stats hardly even scratch the surface; I had to call in sick 2 out of 3 days in my second week of a new job for fucksakes. This was followed by a terrible migraine that Sunday where I was weeping and sweating and thought I would have to go to the ER just because I couldn’t stand the pain. Then I realized I was very very nauseous, gave myself a needle of Gravol (never fun), smoked some pot (which I do maybe once a year, only when desperate) but ended up puking like a fire hose anyway. That was the first week.
I even posted a screenshot from the app earlier on, on Facebook, saying “I’m not being antisocial, I’m just having migraines!” but no one even responded. So I have to knock off Facebook, it just makes me feel lonelier.
Anyway I am getting tired, I don’t think I ate today and I should have, so I’ll leave it at that; but I think my mental health is in jeopardy again because I have no control and no quality of life and no savings and it is pretty scary.