So when I opened this I saw the last two blog posts – from last Friday the 18th saying I had to leave work early to be sick, then on Wednesday the 23rd saying I rolled in halfway through the day, then had to call in sick Thursday the 24th. I was still sick yesterday (Good Friday) and had a crappy sleep (up at 3 am) because I’ve been sleeping on and off so much.
So this morning I woke up and STILL had a migraine — are you kidding me? and stumbled around the house looking for a Frova. I found one, and then took a shower, and here I am now, at 12:30 pm on Saturday. Of course it’s when I am under stress and need to do so many things that I get so many migraines that stop me from doing anything.
Anyway I missed my psychiatrist appointment on Thursday so that’s just dandy, and the house is a shitshow, with no milk or anything, and now I’m in that space where I’m like “things were much better a week and a half ago, how did they go to shit so fast?” and am tired despite having had hours and hours of sleep, and am in that old familiar panic mode.
I should do some laundry! No, I should definitely go to the bank so I have quarters to do laundry when the bank is closed for the next two days. Ok, I’ll go to the bank and pick up some McDonald’s to eat. No, I should buy like milk and things so I have some real food to eat. I need to check the bank accounts so I know where there is money to buy milk. I haven’t looked up the amount of my last paycheck yet. Um, I should load the dishwasher so something is happening, make a budget, then go to the bank before they close…and that line of thinking usually finds me at like 8 pm with one load of laundry done and being too tired to put it away.
Anyway keeping a migraine journal is encouraging and discouraging at the same time. When I keep one I realize I haven’t just been fucking around, if I haven’t gotten anything done it’s because I’ve been ill. But then it feels like I’ve been ill ALL THE TIME. If I don’t keep one, I don’t realize why I haven’t gotten more done. A classic catch-22.
Update: I went to the bank (laundry money) and the store, where I was overwhelmed by the idea of cooking and all the choices so I left with cereal, milk, yogurt, chocolate, and diet pop. Not exactly a victory.