I want to cut a bitch.

I have been deep breathing for the past three hours but I’m so annoyed just now.

One of my coworker’s husbands got laid off and today was his last day. So let’s see, you have a big gorgeous house with equity in it, tens of thousands of dollars in savings, and will have a combined income of nearly six figures with him on EI. Her family lives nearby, also in a big house, and is totally supportive. And she’s been literally crying, boo-hoo-hooing, since lunch.

I have… well, I’m stressed about getting rent together for May 1. Not to get specific about money – everyone has their problems – but I’m not sure I would feel it was the end of the world if I had all those advantages.  If you have to spend some of your savings, you’ll have like years and years to save again before your kids are college aged or you are approaching retirement.

Then there is our secretary who is like “My migraines are so bad”, and this morning she was all looking for sympathy, saying “Ohhhh, my head is killing me…” and so I asked what has she taken? Nothing! Zip! Yesterday at work I took an advil, and a frova, then a tramadol, then a chlorpromazine… at least. I had been writing it down somewhere and taking something new every half hour so I might not even remember the whole list.  Anyway, I was fighting being sleepy and still having the headache and didn’t say anything about it. She, on the other hand, has done nothing to address the pain, and she’s complaining. It’s clearly not that bad if it doesn’t make you want to take a pill (or to go to a doctor to even get an actual migraine medication.)

She already pissed me off earlier this week by saying that “she’d try anything” to make her migraines stop, but when I pressed, she has never seen a neurologist, has no prescriptions for triptans and only ever tried Imitrex, and backed down to “Oh, no, I’m okay, a Tylenol-3 takes care of them.”  Bitch, that’s great, but then don’t you dare say “oh, it’s so awful, I would do anything to make them stop” when you haven’t. done.anything, and they aren’t bad enough to make you want to do anything!!

I am sure I sound like a bitch… and I know how much I hate it when people try to tell me I don’t have a right to feel bad, based on a comparison I don’t think is fair.  Like one of my oldest friends will say “everyone has problems” and then tell me about her kids, who have spouses and houses and longterm jobs.  Ok, well, I’ll take a spouse and a house and a steady job with benefits, if anyone’s handing that out… but I know situations are relative and feelings can be too.  So I don’t want to be the person who says “Well, they have no right to feel bad because they have savings and a house”, because I’m infuriated if someone implies that I have no right to feel bad because things could be worse for me.

It just seems like to me, I’m trying much harder to keep it together with a lot more on my plate, and because I’m not… an extravert, or whatever, I try to keep it to myself and not burden others, and meanwhile I fall into the role of being a sounding board for people with these tiny-seeming problems.  Then resenting that makes me feel like a petty, judgemental bitch.

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