Why is it so fucking hard to shower?

I bought a can of dry shampoo (Batiste, highly reviewed) and used it this morning before work.  I’m not proud of this, and I wondered if I was giving in to weakness by buying it in the first place.  The evidence of the past few weeks, however, shows that it isn’t a choice between “dry shampoo” and “real shampoo”, it’s a choice between “dry shampoo” and “go to work with greasy fucking hair and pull it back in a clip so hopefully it looks like product and not grease.”

I don’t know why showering is so hard but it always has been when I’m depressed.  I even went out and bought a set of colourful gels from Bath and Body Works and some new fluffy towels so showering would be a Sensory Treat but it just seems… hard.  Maybe not the getting in part; it’s as if I have used up all my energy by the time I’m done washing and then… I have to dry myself off and hang up the towels and dry my hair some more and comb it and oh are you serious I didn’t even shave my legs so after all that work I still only feel half done?  Are you kidding me?

So, tonight I showered, because it sure won’t happen in the morning.

Three weeks off?

So today my counsellor went over our upcoming appointments and reminded me that she will be away for the next three weeks, and I was like “Oh, okay”, and wrote down the appointments in my little daytimer thing, and now I’m torn between feeling panicky and lazy.  I know a couple of other people I could make appointments with to tide me over.  But then I’d have to call, and since they’re not in the same neighbourhood I’d have to book at a different time of day because of work, and augggh, this sounds tiring already — am I really going to look up and call someone so I can talk about my little boring minutiae, or am I just going to spend time in bed, looking at the wall?

Yup, I don’t want to play games or read or go out.  I just want to stay under the covers and avoid reality, thankyouverymuch, and I’m feeling pretty pessimistic that talking about anything is going to make me feel any better in the short term at this point.